As the West sinks slowly into its dotage, we turn East to the most ballyhooed second-round series since the rise of modern ballyhoo.

Miami vs. Boston. Nothing in recent NBA history comes close.

In 1968 what remained of the fallen Celtics dynasty came from 3-1 behind to beat defending champion Philadelphia, teaching the NBA an eternal lesson about the need to hammer a stake through the hearts of vampires and Celtics.

The Celtics won Game 7 in Philadelphia's Spectrum as the 76ers' Wilt Chamberlain took two shots from the field in the second half, starting the furor that prompted his trade to the Lakers.

A year later, the Celtics dragged in No. 4 in the seven-team East and beat Wilt's Lakers in Game 7 in the Forum, with the balloons, etc.

Fortunately for Wilt, it was before ESPN so even if his notoriety made LeBron James look like a Boy Scout, it wasn't the same.

If most people can't remember why, this series comes billed as the long-awaited battle between the minions of the devil (Heat) and the Living Embodiment of All the Good Things About the NBA (Celtics).

Well, at least that's how it's billed by Boston fans, pundits and ESPN's Bill Simmons, who's both.

If Simmons' appeal is generational — and I miss by at least three — he's invaluable as a study of the modern . . . uh . . . media . . . with its worship of attitude, however unapologetically jingoistic, self-centered and self-congratulatory.

Preparing either for the NBA version of "Paradise Lost" or a basketball series, Simmons wrote:

"I was looking forward to a Celtics-Heat playoff series for so many reasons, but mainly because it was a battle for everything I ever believed about basketball. Hell, it was the premise of my entire NBA book: that there was more to basketball than just a bunch of individually talented dudes playing together, that the concept of 'team' mattered. . . .

"Miami tried to cheat that structure and my Celtics were going to make them pay. Then the [Kendrick] Perkins trade happened. . . ."

Check me on this:

Didn't Miami's talented dudes, with their spindly, creaky front line, finish No. 6 in defense, and tie Boston at No. 2 in opponents' field-goal percentage?

Wasn't James No. 1 in assists among forwards and Dwyane Wade No. 2 among shooting guards?

Didn't the Celtics cheat the structure, getting Kevin Garnett — who demanded a trade — after Minnesota GM/former Celtics great Kevin McHale took Al Jefferson and more guys who aren't there instead of taking Andrew Bynum and Lamar Odom from the Lakers?

All James did was leave Cleveland — after seven seasons, two more than he had to be there — when he couldn't get anyone to go there.

Of course, he did that dumb TV show, aided by Simmons' employers, announcing he would "take my talents to South Beach" — as a piñata, it turned out.

The furor launched the ratings-shattering 2010-11 season, so even if it was totally undeserved, let's have a big NBA thank-you for LeBron!

It's hard to create a rivalry when there isn't one.

But sometime over the next two weeks, be it from the words of Mark Cuban and Phil Jackson or the actions of Kobe Bryant, maybe something will be sparked between the Lakers and Dallas Mavericks.

They haven't seen each other in the playoffs in 23 years, back when Andrew Bynum was all of seven months, too young for him to even try boxing out toddlers.

The Lakers and Mavericks have played each other 88 times in comparatively meaningless games since the Lakers won the 1988 Western Conference finals in seven games, Magic Johnson wrasslin' up 24 points, 11 assists and nine rebounds to give the Lakers the West for the seventh time in the '80s.

They've since played Portland in the playoffs eight times, San Antonio and Phoenix seven times, Houston six and Utah five times.

Forget Big D. This rivalry is a big zero.

They finally get to see each other again Monday at Staples Center to start the best-of-seven West semifinals.

Somebody get James Donaldson on the phone. A.C. Green too. It's time for a series of "Where are they now?" stories.

It's been a Dallas demolition derby from the start, the Lakers losing the regular-season series only three times since the Mavericks joined the NBA in 1980.

The Lakers have never been eliminated by Dallas in the playoffs (3-0) and are riding a 10-3 run in regular-season games, including 2-1 this season.

Some cross-country zinging between Jackson and Cuban added a hint of tension between the teams over the years, but not to worry, TNT analyst Charles Barkley is trying his best to create a rivalry … even if it's only with Lakers fans.

"The Dallas Mavericks are the best team in Texas and they're going to upset the Los Angeles Lakers," Barkley said Thursday on the air, giving the Lakers little credit after eliminating New Orleans. "They played against a bunch of munchkins. Those munchkins are going home. The Mavericks aren't munchkins."

Bynum, the youngest starter on either team by five years, gets a chance to prove he belongs with the big boys.

He was a key in every game against Dallas this season, for better or worse.

When the Lakers lost in January, 109-100, Bynum scored only 10 points to go with seven rebounds. He was quiet, like the Lakers in their swampy midseason slump.

But they won at Dallas in mid-March, 96-91, Bynum going for 22 points and 15 rebounds to offset Bryant's six-for-20 shooting.

Then the Lakers destroyed Dallas in late March, 110-82, Bynum going for 18 points and 13 rebounds as Bryant again shot poorly (eight for 21).

How important is the kid to this rivalry? Sorry. Nonrivalry.

"Not important at all," Bryant said with sarcasm. "He's our anchor defensively. On top of that, he's shown the ability to knock down jumpers, which is going to give teams a headache because now you have two 7-footers that can pick and pop, as well as roll to the basket and post up deep."